Hallucinogen
by voldie's lover
Summary: His life was an endless haze of drugs and alcohol and sex. He never wanted to break out of it. It was the world..his world..where he felt like a king. And he hated Remus Lupin for that exact reason. He made him break out of it. Bloody fucking Remus Lupin. Warnings inside. SBRL slash.
1. Chapter 1

**Pairing: SiriusxRemus.**

**Warning: Substance abuse.**

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

**Hallucinogen.**

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Sirius loved himself. Perhaps that was why he loved the colour black.

He loved it when the colour would greet him as he blacked out after drinking ceaselessly. He loved it when he would see it as he reached his climax after pounding into some unknown body that lay shuddering and screaming beneath him.

He was a Black through and through. He was dark and mysterious and emotionless as the colour implies.

He had a lot of friends, friends who knew nothing about his past, or his present. Who knew nothing except the fact that he lived to enjoy, to revel in everything sinful and pleasurable.

Well, that was correct. Partly.

That was what he did each day. He practically lived in a rave club. Hell, he loved that feeling of utter invincibility, of pure rapture, of..flying; as he swayed to the hypnotic beats and the wildly dancing colours and shapes.

He would then pop some sleeping pill so that he could just fall asleep without much ado the moment he entered his sprawling, empty house. Empty save for his servants. But who the fuck counted them as people?

Arrogant? Hell yeah. Every bit as his ancestors. Arrogance flowed through his veins the same way drugs did.

So he slept through the day. Dreamless sleeps they were, usually. He loved it, the way he could just not think. It was almost as though he were dead.

Then he would wake up, drive in the car that literally smelt of luxury, and join the people who called themselves his friends; join them into yet another night of utter expurgation of memories. Why the fuck do you need memories? What fucking use do they have? He embraced sensations instead. He was an addict for sensations. The perception of the present moment. Of touch..vision...things that made his head reel in sheer high.

Smell of luxury. He hated it, though. It was that goddamned smell that lurked in each and every corner of his house, and he tried his best not to stay conscious in his house. The only thing he did in that place was sleep. If he wanted to fuck someone, he kept that business outside his house.

He hated everything to do with that house, but then if he went to the part of why he hated it so, that would bring up the topic of memories, and that was something he _did not_ want to delve into.

The sensation that he loved, other than losing his mind to the wonderful, fantasy world of drugs, was that of being inside a man. Yes, he was gay. But the last thing that would come to one's mind when one would look at him was that of some effeminate wimp in ludicrous rainbow-coloured dress that's wrongly associated to the word 'gay'.

He looked- untamed; with his six foot frame, drug-hazed grey eyes, and stunning, sharp features. He was heartbreakingly beautiful, and he knew it. And he used it to his advantage, when he would approach his prey with burning grey eyes and slow, wickedly seductive smile. And never once did he fail in making his victim nervous and outright gobsmacked by his bearing. He saw the worship in their eyes, which bordered almost on fear, and he relished in it. He relished it when they would offer it all to him..in total submission.

And he took all that they offered; he took them brutally. He wanted it fast and furious. He needed it. He needed to lose himself to the sensations. There was no room for memories.

His life was an endless haze of drugs and alcohol and sex. He never wanted to break out of it. It was the world.._his_ world..where he felt like a king.

And he hated Remus Lupin for that exact reason. He made him break out of it. Bloody fucking Remus Lupin.


	2. Chapter 2

**While writing this, I couldn't help but think how distinctively Scorpion Sirius is in this. Well, to the uninitiated, Sirius' sign is Scorpio. :)**

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Sirius Black never laughed. At least, he hadn't for around five or six years. He had Salvia flowing in his blood, and that explained his giddy, uncontrolled laughter as he sat in the club with his friends, the haze and vivid lights seeming surreal and intense.

"Fuck he's gonna..oh jizz.." Sirius slurred incoherently, pointing at someone dancing, and not realizing that he ought to have said 'jeez'. The next moment, he forgot what he had said, then vaguely wondered if his friends had even understood what he had said; they were as stoned as him.

Sirius rested his head on the smooth table and laughed. He laughed till he felt as though that was the only feeling that existed. He felt as though he was dreaming wide awake..he wasn't in this world..he was in some fucking alien-world with fucking reindeer-elf hybrids dancing to a chaotic tune...

It was another twenty minutes until his mad laughter finally subsided, and he slowly came down the high, the feeling as exhilarating as post orgasmic chill.

He just sat there with his head still resting on the table, his heart beats erratic and his mind a whirl.

"Ugh. I'm hungry.." came the voice of Jake, one of the friends that he didn't fucking care about, "Siri, wanna join me?"

"Fuck off.." Sirius muttered irritably.

"Okay. Gimme a call later if you need something.."

"I need you to fucking go stuff your mouth with shit or whatever it is that you're planning to.." he said quietly, not moving an inch from his position.

Sirius heard a sigh, and then Jake left him there to fend for himself.

Sirius closed his eyes and let the static buzz in his mind slowly fade. Some trippy psychedelic track was blaring around him, the beats matching the beating of his heart. He stayed like that for what felt like a long time, his mind thankfully blank, before he finally lifted his head. To his right, one of his friends was still to regain his sanity. Sirius averted his gaze uninterestedly, and got up.

"Hey, Sirius.." another friend called him, "Where're you going?"

Sirius turned and looked at him with cold grey eyes for a few seconds, and his friend seemed to cringe. He then replied, "Just..here and there," and gave a lopsided smile, which, instead of calming his friend, just seemed to send a chill down his spine. He turned and his smile was gone to be replaced by his cold beauty.

He saw right through these motherfuckers who were his friends. They followed him around and kissed his arse and laughed at each of his sarcastic jokes and paid close attention to every word that fell from his lips because of one single reason- his money. He was filthy rich, his fortune enough to last for at least twenty of his future generations that he knew he never was going to have. The money would rot in those banks and the properties would crumble after his death. He'd make sure his money would go to no fucking one. He'd rather the government take over his useless possessions after his death.

He reached the counter and simply knocked down pints of cool water instead of anything alcoholic. He looked around at the people swaying to the music without a care in the world, their hands waving above their heads in sync, some of their faces obscured by masks, breathing in miasmic substances beneath them.

He felt like he needed a break from the smoke and glaring neons, and exited the club to calm himself with a fag.

He stood leaning against a wall a few long feet away from the neon sign of the club, a fag dangling from his lips. The street was absolutely empty, the full moon hung high up in the dark navy-black sky, and the cool night air was soothing against his skin. He glanced at his watch to find the time as half past two. Just as he clicked the lighter to life, he heard sounds of laughter. He turned toward the source, and his eyes caught a peculiar sight.

Toward the far corner of the murky path between the two adjacent buildings, there was a cluster of men. They were laughing, as though mocking someone who was hidden in the centre of them all. Some of them were shoving their arms into the hidden person. Then, a hunky, bald guy dipped his head, and kissed the one who was being ridiculed, and Sirius caught sight of a silky, honey brown head and pale arms viciously shoving the bald man's chest, resisting him with all his might.

The bald guy momentarily tore his face off the person being harassed, and then Sirius saw him.

Fuck.

He was the most gorgeous, sexy little minx Sirius had ever set his eyes on. Sirius leant back, and watched the scene, his breath quickening. The men were groping his lithe body, still covered in a navy tee and jeans, their hands running over his chest and arse and all over him, while another pulled at his hair and forcibly exposed his neck, biting and devouring the pale skin.

Sirius couldn't believe how incredibly erotic the sight was, especially when the honey-haired sweet thing was resisting them so fiercely. Sirius' eyes darkened, and the next thing he knew- he wanted to fuck the life out of the little slut. And what was Sirius', nobody dared to touch.

He made his way toward the scene, his desire escalating by the second. But he needed to handle this tactfully. Sirius wasn't a fucking idiot to not know that he was going to deal with five to six unbearably horny beefcakes.

He knew he can be manipulative, and the bullshit those morons fed people about long term effects of drugs amused him. He had his brain working in first-rate condition inside his skull despite the potent substances Sirius forced it to deal with.

Two of the men saw Sirius approaching them, and that diverted the attention of the rest of them to him.

Sirius' mind quickly analyzed the situation. There were five men, all of them huge, meaty ones with overlarge biceps, sporting either crew cut or bald head. Oh, one had long, sweat-drenched, possibly reeking blond hair. And Sirius figured at once that they had their brains stored in their biceps. They were all glaring at him, silently demanding the nerves of him to interrupt them.

And in the middle of it all stood the fucking beautiful honey-haired angel, looking like a caged, terrified animal.

"So..Moony.." Sirius said the name that abruptly came to his mind, perhaps because of the faint glow of full moon on the sweet little elf's pale face, and looked straight into his eyes. He had alluring amber eyes that reminded Sirius of the eyes of a young wolf in a hysterically defensive pose. Perhaps the frightened state he was in rendered him speechless, for he was simply panting and looking at him, scared stiff.

"Hey, who the fuck are you?" the bald guy who had kissed 'Moony' demanded in a gruff tone.

"His boyfriend," Sirius said, drawing close to the bald guy, looking into his eyes, and was yet again rewarded with that familiar uneasiness.

"So? D'you think we would all scuttle away scared, pretty boy?" Another asked him.

"Ooooh..I'm so scared by his dangerous tone.." the long-haired one mocked in a childish voice.

"You realize we can fuck you too in front of your boyfriend, don't you, smart-ass?"

Sirius gazed steadily at the guy who said that, and said, "I'd like to see if you'd still want to do that, tosser, after you hear what this filthy, betraying bitch has done to me.." in one swift movement, Sirius pulled the angel to his chest, and then turned him and banged him to the opposite wall.

All this while, the men were all too confused by Sirius' words and actions to act, and stood looking at them, struck dumb.

"Moony..how could you?" he murmured, but loud enough so that the hunks behind them could hear, and the amber eyed one simply stared at him, bewildered, , "You tainted me. But I tolerated that. I accepted that, because I loved you. You said that it would be no one else but me. That we could make love till the day we died, since there's nothing to be lost now.. I accepted it all, Moony.. But I won't accept this.. Nobody deserves this fate. You might not want me anymore, and you might stage this lost, innocent boy image and trick other men into fucking you.. but not even the ones who supposedly rape you, only to your delight, but never mind that, deserve this fate, Moony.."

"Hey hey hey what shit are you talking about, loser?" one of the guys demanded harshly.

Sirius loosened his grip on 'Moony', and levelly met the gaze of the guy, "He is HIV positive," he said simply.

At this, all of them visibly paled, eyes going comically wide.

"You're joking!" one of them shrieked almost girlishly in horror.

"Why should I be? I hate this little bitch now. He gave me his disease, and it is now that I realize that he is a fucking sex-maniac. He can't have enough of fucking and passing on his germs to othe-"

But Sirius never got the chance to complete his sentence. The bald guy was viciously spitting into the road and wiping his lips as they all pulled disgusted and appalled faces and literally ran away from them.

Sirius smirked at the running figures, then turned back to his prize-

To find that he was looking at him with wide, teary, amber eyes and deliciously red and curvy, quivering lips that Sirius couldn't wait to gnaw greedily, and just as he was about to smile devilishly and breathe 'You owe me a lot for saving you, love..', he got an armful of Moony, burrowing his silky, long, honey-haired head into the crook of his neck, sobbing in relief and anguish, his warm, moist breath tickling his neck, and softly chanting, "Thank you thank you thank you.."

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**Please review! :D**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey TechNomaNcer...Your reviews are awesome! Thank you too Made-In-Denmark! **

**Warning: Smut. (Hmm..shouldn't be called 'warning'. 'Good news', more like. Teehee..)**

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Sirius stood, awkwardly wrapping an arm around the shaking form that now nestled into Sirius' dark curls, snuffling quietly. But then suddenly, the snuffling stopped, and the warm breath against his neck turned slower and softer. Sirius frowned, and looked down at the head resting on his shoulder, and was surprised when he found him- asleep?

"What the- ? Hey? Hey?" Sirius murmured, gently shaking him, only to find that the guy just went on sleeping peacefully. Apparently, he had fallen unconscious.

"Shit." Sirius cursed softly. No matter how great his love for sex was, he refused to stoop to the level of screwing an unresponsive body.

Sirius now felt utterly clueless. He hadn't been so conflicted on just what the fuck he was supposed to do since a long time- not since- no. He quickly shut out that memory.

He considered leaving the unconscious guy right there on the murky pathway, deciding that he can dust off the dirt from his butt and leave whenever he damn well pleased to. He almost lowered him down to the ground when the guy's head lolled back from his shoulder, his pale neck exposed and his silky brown hair cascading down, and Sirius had the urge, a purely instinctive urge, to support his head with a hand. That was when he took one look at his pure, innocent face, and his resolve crumbled.

...

"Will you fucking stop calling me?" Sirius spoke softly into his phone.

'_But, Sirius, please, just listen..' _

"Piss off. And don't fucking call me again. D'you understand?"

'_But-'_

_"_Do you understand?"

'_Siri-'_

Sirius cruelly cut off the line, then sadistically pressed the button at the side, switching off the goddamned phone, and tossed it to the nightstand.

_Fucking creep.. _Sirius sighed and rubbed his eyes tiredly with two long fingers.

It was that clingy puss, Ben. Sirius had fucked him raw a few nights ago in a gay club, and what an amazing fuck he was, with his loud, wild moans and wonderfully tight hole. Two days later, he got a call from him. He wasn't even able to recall that he had fucked him, leave alone his bloody name. To say that Sirius was left fuming would be an understatement. He wondered how the fuck he got his hands on his number. Sirius never gave his number to any of his fucks. In fact, he never repeated any of his fucks.

He glared at his innocent phone lying on the nightstand beside him, considering smashing it to smithereens. He might've gotten his number from one of his friends..If only he could find out who the hell it was that gave his number.

Before he could control it, his anger as slowly flaring, bubbling toxically at the pit of his stomach. This is the reason why he needed to take a sleeping pill and lose himself to sleep. He simply cannot handle staying awake at these hours of early morning because of his wild mood swings.

He turned his head to the other side, and right there on his bed lay the reason for his current predicament.

His straight brown hair was spilled out on the pillow, and his pale face was angelic as he slept on, still unconscious.

Sirius wasn't able to believe himself when he trudged him up all the way to his car, bundled him into the back seat, drove to his house, trundled him in the door while he spat at the housekeeper to shut up when he asked if he needed anything, and dropped the guy unceremoniously onto his bed, shoes and all.

Sirius stripped to his boxers, climbed into his bed next to the unconscious beauty, and thought about what the fuck to do next – he obviously won't sleep like the dead when he had this stranger in his house.

When he had someone in his house after six long years.

_This is insane..I should've simply left him there to fend for himself, _thought Sirius with a tired sigh. Well, no use thinking about it now. He had already done the mistake of bringing this total stranger to his house. _And a beautiful stranger... _he thought as he watched him closely.

He had rich, smooth, pale skin, and a light constellation of freckles on his cute, straight nose and just a few dots on his cheeks, and Sirius was curious to know how it would feel under his fingertips. He was then fascinated by that little mole on his otherwise unblemished neck, and then he caught yet another, barely perceptible mole close to his upper lip.

Sirius had never watched anyone this close as they slept..when they were so very defenceless..when he could watch them for as long as he wanted...

Sirius was now hovering very close to this beautiful stranger. He watched in silent enthralment as he lay there; the way his chest rose and fell slowly, his girlishly long brown lashes that rested so delicately against his smooth skin, his eyebrows- so elegant that Sirius was sure he might've had them plucked. And then his lips – they were so..red and shapely and tender- they were begging for him to suck on them..

Hell, he was getting turned on by simply looking at him.

He couldn't help but bring his hand to his face and caress his cheek ever so softly, his breath already quickening. Shit, he felt like raping him.

And rape him he would. He didn't know if the pale beauty was straight or gay, and Sirius didn't care about it. The only thing he cared about was devouring him alive.

But that would have to wait till he wakes up.

But Sirius wasn't known for his patience. The fuck he was going to wait for him to come around by himself. Making up his mind, Sirius reached over to his nightstand, flicked the cover off the glass of water that sat there, poured some of onto his palm, and splashed it brusquely right onto the sleeping guy's face.

The guy's face twitched slightly in discomfort, and a small frown came upon his face. He scrunched up his brows, and slowly opened his eyes. The molten amber pools that stared up at him were hazy and disoriented.

He made a small noise at the back of his throat, which made Sirius want to jump on him right then, and then those eyes seemed to clear as a flash of recognition came about his features as he recalled the earlier incidents.

The guy quickly pulled himself up into a sitting position.

"How d'you feel?" Sirius asked him softly, settling close beside him.

"I'm fine," the guy replied with a grateful smile, "Im so sorry if I caused trouble to you.." his smile was caught somewhere between apologetic and sheepish.

"Oh don't be," Sirius replied very kindly, "It was no matter," he smiled softly at the guy, "D'you need something? Water, maybe?"

"Um, yeah. Thank you so much." he smiled brightly at Sirius.

Sirius returned his smile and reached for the empty glass on the night stand, filled it with water, and handed it to him, which he took gratefully and emptied in quick gulps.

Sirius kept his eyes trained quietly on the guy all the while as he gently took the empty glass from his hand and placed it back. The guy simply smiled at him.

"Quite thirsty you were," Sirius observed as he sidled back to him.

"Ah, yeah," he chuckled a bit, perhaps in embarrassment, then looked at Sirius, his amber eyes alight with gratitude, "I..I'm..I cant even express how thankful I am to you. If you weren't there at that moment, I- I could've even..died at the hands of those brutes.." he paled slightly, but gave Sirius a small smile.

"Mm, well, don't remember them and get all afraid, now," Sirius murmured as he shifted so close to the guy that he could practically feel his warmth, "I was there for you, wasn't I?" he reached over and delicately brushed a few stray hair from his face.

The guy sensed how close Sirius was to him, and by the slight tinge of pink on his soft cheeks and ears, it was now that he seemed to truly take notice of Sirius' nakedness except for his boxers..that had an obvious bulge. He kept his eyes lowered, his blush deepening.

Sirius smirked, his fingers tenderly wandering to his neck. "What's your name?" he asked.

"R-Remus.." the guy's earlier relaxed tone was now replaced by a nervous whisper.

"Hmm..Remus.. I like that name," Sirius withdrew his fingers from his neck, and dropped his hand to his side, wanting to analyze how he would react to Sirius' unpredictable ways. Judging by the way the guy acted until now, Sirius figured that he was a shy little thing. _Makes my job much easier.._

"Tell me, Remus," Sirius changed his tone from quiet whisper to conversational. He was enjoying this slow teasing of this sweet, fuckable angel. It was usually quick, brutal fucking for Sirius, where he doesn't even bother to look at their faces. Now this was something new, and Sirius was liking it. "How did you end up there in the dead of the night?"

"I..I was.."

"Mhm, go on.." Sirius softly encouraged as he watched Remus nervously play with the hem of his tee.

"I was kicked out of my home," his words tumbled out quickly in a small whisper.

"Oh," something tugged at Sirius' heart as he related that to himself, and the next moment, he viciously smothered his feelings. "What was the reason for it?" Sirius asked, bringing his hand back to Remus' neck and softly caressing it, just to distract himself from certain memories that threatened to tear their way through Sirius' walls.

"I..uh-h.." Sirius' hand seemed to have the same distracting effect on Remus as his breath quickened, "I c-came out. I..I t-told them th-that I'm gay.."

Sirius chuckled at the ironic situation, "And you ran right into some fags, only to be rescued by yet another one.." he murmured. All this while, Remus had not once looked up from the hem of his tee.

Sirius was now getting bored by all the small talk. In one quick movement, Sirius pinned him to his bed, and Remus let out a startled squeak. Sirius trapped his wrists above his head, pressing them down into the pillow, and straddled him.

"And you do realize that I didn't rescue you out of pity, don't you?" Sirius breathed, his demeanour changing abruptly from polite to wicked. He then smiled lecherously at Remus, and felt immense satisfaction when he realized that instead of showing any sign of any struggle, Remus was actually blushing, and his posture was submissive as he lay there, struggling for breath, under him.

Not only was Sirius' already inflated ego stroked, he was also amused. He drew back a bit, and looked into Remus' eyes. "Mmm you sly little minx," Sirius purred, "You're aching to be fucked raw, aren't you?"

Remus lowered his gaze, blushing harder by the second.

"Can I take your silence as yes?" Sirius breathed hotly into his ears, pressing his groin languorously against Remus'.

Remus was all but panting now, and squirmed in what has to be delight under Sirius.

"Hn-h..yes.." he heard Remus breathe out.

Though he would've taken him forcefully even if the sweet honey would've said no, Sirius felt his heart lurch excitedly. "Mm good. I like you, Remus," Sirius nipped and sucked at his earlobe. He then drew back, and said, "Let's get you out of these clothes now, shall we?"

Sirius pulled his tee up above his head and tossed it to the floor, then got off Remus and softly told Remus to kick his shoes off and take off his socks, then he popped open the button of his jeans, and helped Remus out of them. He dropped them to the floor as well.

And finally Sirius saw how truly, exquisitely beautiful Remus was. He was moon pale, and had the sexiest, long legs that were so silky smooth that Sirius thought he might've had them shaved. Sirius slowly ran his fingertips on his soft, warm stomach, and felt it cave in under his ministrations.

Sirius looked up at his face, brought a hand to his chin, and cradled his jaw tenderly, "Look at me, Remus," he whispered, tipping his chin up. Remus' face was burning, cheeks and ears heating up, as he shyly met his gaze.

"I like the way you blush," Sirius murmured as he straddled him again, and pressed his chest against his, their erections pushing against each other. Remus let out a shuddering breath.

Sirius started pressing tender kisses along his neck, his jaw, while he supported himself on his elbow with one hand, and his other hand kept wandering along Remus' body, making the timid beauty beneath him writhe deliciously. Finally his lips reached his soft, slightly parted ones, and Sirius teased his bottom lip slowly with the tip of his tongue. He felt Remus' heart hammering beneath his own.

Sirius then couldn't take it anymore. He gave one hard nip at his bottom lip before crushing his mouth to his, prying open his lips with his tongue, which opened all to eagerly against Sirius' impatiently moving mouth, and Sirius pushed his tongue in without any warning. Remus moaned into his mouth, and wound his legs around Sirius' waist. Sirius let his hips move on their own accord, pushing and pulling against Remus', their clothed erections rubbing.

Heat flared at Sirius' stomach, and he gripped Remus' hair with both his hands, clutching a handful of that silky mane before he tore his mouth from his, only to roughly yank at his hair and expose his neck and let his mouth latch onto the heated skin, biting and nibbling and licking every square inch of skin he could find. Remus breath was ragged, letting out small whimpers, and when Sirius nibbled at a tender spot below his earlobe, he moaned, "Hnh..ohgod.."

"You like that?" Sirius asked.

"Yeah..mm.." Sirius went on nibbling there until he left a mark. A hand slid lazily up along Remus' side, and his long fingers found a hard nipple. He traced slow circles around it with a finger, which made Remus lose his mind as he jerked his hips up and tightened his legs around Sirius. He then pinched it hard between two fingers, and Remus jerked up, letting out a sharp cry.

"Can I fuck you, Remus?" Sirius breathed, nibbling along his jaw.

"Hn..y-yes.."

"Put my cock deep in you?"

"Ahhh, yess.."

"Will you let me see if your hole is as sweet as you, Remus? Sirius murmured into his burning red ear, his voice dripping with lust.

"Yes..ohh.."

Sirius pulled away momentarily to get rid of his boxers, his rock hard cock springing out. He then impatiently pulled down Remus' boxers to reveal his beautifully erect, weeping cock.

His hands shook with excitement as he pulled open the drawer of the nightstand, pulling out a bottle of lube and a small packet of condom he had stashed in there. He tore open the packet, then handed it to Remus.

"Go on," he gave a little nudge of his hips against Remus' as he sat on him, smiling darkly at him, "Pull it up my dick."

Remus' hands shook with nerves as he slipped it up him. Sirius then took a generous amount of lube, slathered it up his painfully erect shaft, then brought the same fingers to Remus' pulsing entrance.

He lowered himself down onto Remus, and gazed into his amber eyes, pupils blown wide.

Remus brought his hands to Sirius' shoulders and rested them lightly on them. His breath was erratic, as he stared up at Sirius, unblinking, eyes wide, and it seemed as though the molten, sparkling ambers were trying to convey something to him.

"Remus.." he breathed as he skimmed his lips over his cheek and jawline, "Relax.."

"I.." he was breathing heavily now, and his voice had a tinge of fearfulness.

"What is it?" Sirius asked, his lips never stopping their careful work across his face.

"I'm..I..this is my first..I'm a v-virgin.."

At this Sirius had to stop. He pulled back a bit and stared at him again. Sirius' lips then stretched into a smile, "And you want me to be your first, Remus?" he asked softly.

Remus simply lowered his gaze, blushing so furiously that Sirius was sure he would get that colour on his fingers if he touched his skin.

"Mh..you tend to go silent when you want something," Sirius murmured.

Sirius slowly met his lips, and gave the softest of kiss he had ever given to anyone. Remus' innocent manners made it impossible not to treat him so.

He let his hips continue to grind against Remus' as he gently nudged a finger against the puckered entrance that was constricting and opening in pleasure as Sirius once again fused his mouth to his and engaged him in a slow, seductive kiss.

He then prodded his finger into his entrance, which immediately clenched at the attempt of intrusion.

"Remus, be a sweetheart.." Sirius purred, gently nibbling at his bottom lip. They were breathing in each other through their parted lips. "Open up for me, love.." Sirius' voice was so alluringly seductive that Remus moaned against his lips, and seemed to melt under him. Sirius used this opportunity to push his finger up the relaxed muscles and into his warm hole.

It tightened immediately around him, and Remus let out a sharp cry of pain, but Sirius didn't let that deter him as he relentlessly slid his finger up and down the silken warmth. He never took his eyes off Remus' face, watching in silent fascination the face he made as he went through pain. He liked making this little elf whimper in pain. He couldn't believe just how turned on he was by that, and how hard he ached to rip him apart.

He added yet another finger, and pumped them hard into the warmth. Remus whole body was tensed as he lay crying out loud, his eyes screwed shut and his sweet mouth open in pain.

"Mh..it pains, Remus..it does, but that's a part of the pleasure.." Sirius murmured as he kissed his neck, his collarbone, back to his ear. "No pain, no gain.." he chuckled darkly.

"Ahhh..oh god..aaaah.." Remus screamed as Sirius added a third finger and pushed roughly into him, quickly pumping. Sirius was so hard that his body shook. He bit his lip in impatience and utter desire. He couldn't wait now. It was too much.

He quickly pulled out his fingers, wiped them on the bedspread, and hauled up Remus' legs hastily by the ankles, pulling them over his shoulders and adjusting them so that the crooks of Remus' knees rested on his shoulders.

Without any warning, Sirius plunged into him in one swift shove, and Remus' scream rent the air. Sirius couldn't describe the utter tightness that swathed his cock.

Sirius gripped his wrists and pinned them above his head as he drew back slowly, and held himself. He brought his face close to Remus' sweet, pained face.

"Remus.." he whispered, "Look at me.. I want you to look at me..into my eyes.."

Remus struggled to open his eyes, and then held his gaze, his amber pools swirling with pain and pleasure and fear.

"Dont be scared.. I'm only loving you, Remus.. let me love you.." Sirius whispered, his mind completely lost, swimming in sensations..

He pushed back, a bit slower than earlier, but none too gently, and wrenched out yet another cry from Remus. He drew back again, then plunged in, setting up a pace.

He released Remus' wrists, and cupped his face, and crushed his mouth to his in a demanding kiss, their tongues twining. Remus instinctively gripped Sirius' shoulders, for security, for protection, for reassurance..

Remus let out keening moans against his mouth as Sirius now pounded into him, the familiar sound of skin slapping brutally against skin filling his ears. Sirius released his mouth, and let his head fall into the crook of Remus' sweating, heated neck, letting his hips match a frenzied rhythm that now completely spiralled out of his control. His vision was darkening, his head reeling...he couldn't think anything except for the heat and tightness that surrounded him..

Sirius' breath was coming out in ragged, short gasps...he was spinning...he was falling... He bit into Remus' neck, tasting sweat.

His hands found his soft, silky hair, and Sirius gripped it. Else he might fall into some endless rift, he was sure. His body was thrumming now... he knew he was close...

A frantic beat of blood sounded against his ears, against his heart, all around him...and Remus' screams of pleasure mingled with the low moans he knew were slipping past his own parted lips that were pressed against his neck..

His stomach coiled, his muscles tensed, and with a quick, muffled cry, Sirius exploded, spilling deep inside Remus.

He lay still, gasping, on Remus for a long time, his eyes now feeling heavy and tired with sleep. He just wasn't able to keep himself from closing his eyes, and the next moment, his body relaxed, weighing down on the body below him, loosing himself to sleep.

And Sirius didn't realize that Remus laid still beneath him, passed out, sheer fatigue overpowering him.

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**Please review. :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**I fixed some small errors in the last chapter. Have any of you guys found that certain words simply vanish after you upload the chapter? Its strange..happens with me, you know. Certain words that I'm sure I had typed didn't come up after I uploaded the last chp... O.o**

**Okay, an important note, guys:**** Sirius is older than Remus in my fic. I imagine Sirius to be around 28 and Remus to be around 17. :)**

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**Remus' PoV! :D**

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Remus felt like shit. That was the only way he could describe his current state.

He felt as though he was lying dead underneath a pile of rubble after a violent earthquake that had shook and rattled his bones. He still had his eyes closed, and he was finding it impossible to open them as he lay trying to regain his senses and recollect what had happened. Then, like a ton of bricks, the memories hit him.

_'Just go away, Remus. I don't want to see you anywhere near ever again. Do you understand?'_

No..he fucking did not understand. He did not understand any of it. Why can't _they_ understand?

_'What sin did I do to get a fucking fag for a son..'_

No..no..

_'You're not my son, Remus.'_

His father's cold, accusing voice refused to leave his mind..refused to stop echoing painfully..

He had turned to his mother, his dear mother who had always been there for him, for reassurance, for comfort.. He longed to hear her say that it didn't matter. That he was her son and that she didn't care if he liked men.

But she just stood looking at him, her eyes swimming with helpless tears as she stood behind John Lupin, scared to defy him..scared to defy him and stand for her only son.

Remus had then left his home. He had nowhere to go to. He had no friends to seek comfort, no shoulder to cry on. At school, they ridiculed him for his sexual orientation. He used to have a friend, Frank Longbottom. Their shared passion for music had drawn them close. But Frank left the school to pursue music while Remus was left behind, not because he lacked the skill or that he was less talented in creating music, but he lacked the money for it.

Tears started to slowly collect at the corner of his eyes, and he bit them back. He had cried enough, and he didn't want to cry anymore.

He had walked aimlessly through the empty road in the night, frustration and despair and hunger clawing at him. He hadn't had even a drop of water since the past eight hours, and he didn't know where his feet carried him to. It was as though his mind had completely shut down, and numbness had seeped into his bones, and he went on walking, his body on autopilot.

That was when he was accosted by five men, and he thought that he'd die, he'd surely die, and in between the struggle he put up as he felt tainted and downright violated by them all, as he felt revolted as their stale breath and reeking sweat assaulted him, he was driven to the edge. He thought of giving in, and just die. Funny that he would be dying because of the something related to the reason he got kicked out for.

And then he came. His handsome knight in shining armour, never mind that he wasn't all that chivalrous a knight.

The moment Remus saw him, he felt something shift in him, a vital something. His heart felt as though a ton of bricks were placed on it, his head was drained of blood...it was love at first sight, literally, as cheesy as that might sound. But that was true for Remus, and that was the only thing he needed to know.

Remus felt- safe with him. He couldnt explain it, but it felt as though he could trust this stunning stranger with his life, despite that rough, cold manner that he put up. But Remus liked that about him. It suited him in a strange, beautiful way.

He trusted him when he nuzzled into him, breathing in relief. He trusted him when his subconscious mind knew that he could give in to his fatigue when he had his strong chest pressed against his cheek, when he had his broad shoulders to clutch on to, when he had his musky, strangely homely scent he could breathe in.

Despite his endearingly cold ways..yes...Remus was mad enough to describe his coldness as endearing; he was gentlemanly enough to ask him how he felt..to ask if he needed something..

And then Remus found his assertion of dominance, that distinctive air of alpha male that he had, a complete turn on. He was reduced to a stuttering, shivering pile of melted skin and bones when he had looked at him like he wanted to ravish him...

And lord..he was the most beautiful man he had ever seen. From his long, midnight black, curly hair that framed his face attractively and brushed at his strong shoulders, his snobbish, aristocratic air, his lightly tanned, unblemished, smooth body, his long, straight nose, his grey eyes that seemed so frighteningly perceptive, his lips...Remus wanted those perfect, full lips to assault every square inch of his skin...

He should've been feeling like a whore when he let him take him. But it was mad, totally utterly mad- Remus felt as though that was the best decision of his life. He lost his virginity to this beautifully cold, unpredictable, lovable stranger. He felt a shiver run down his spine when he remembered the words he had murmured and whispered into his ear, like dark, forbidden spells.

Remus felt the weight pressing him down into the mattress, and smiled despite his circumstances as he brought his hands up and curled his fingers around his strong shoulders. He lay on top of him, his breath tickling Remus' neck and his dark curls soft against his nose. Remus breathed in to smell shampoo and something that was uniquely-

Wait, he didn't even know his name. But never mind that, he would find that out. He definitely would.

Hell, he was acting like a lovesick school girl.

Remus' stomach gave a growl, and hunger hit him in full wave. He felt a spell of dizziness, the fatigue of walking continuously for hours on empty stomach making him want to fall unconscious again. He fought the spell as hard as he could. It has to be around close to fourteen hours now since he last had something to eat.

Remus now thought about the arduous task of wriggling away from under the man that lay above him, who wasn't all that light despite his toned body.

Remus brought a tentative hand to his arm that lay limply next to Remus, still loosely clutching Remus' hair. He gently shook it, to get no response at all from the man. Remus shook his arm harder, but the man simply let out a low groan, and continued sleeping.

"Uh..hey," Remus called softly. "Hey, wake up.."

The man was sleeping as though he were dead.

Remus gave a sigh in defeat, then tried wriggling out. After a struggle that seemed draining due to his already tired state, he managed to get out from under him. He just continued sleeping as though nothing had happened, his mouth slightly open and his arms lying limp in that position, fingers still slightly curled as though clutching at his hair. Remus' heart gave a flip despite his weak state as he took in his long, toned, butt-naked form, his firm arse exposed to the world. Remus reached over, and gently pulled up the comforter, covering him till his slim waist, and smiled despite himself.

He then realized that he was soiled from their earlier heated moments, and needed a shower before he even considered leaving that room. He was unsure about what to do. Surely the man wouldn't mind if he used his shower for a bit...

He stood indecisively for a few seconds, then cautiously reached for the man's arm once again, meaning to wake him up.

"Hey, please..wake up.." he shook his arm lightly.

"Mnh.." was the reply he got, along with a small, irritated frown.

"Can I use the bathroom?" he asked softly, leaning toward his ear.

"Mn..gh.." the man said, and turned his head away from him, sleeping on peacefully.

Remus didn't know what to make out of that answer, but didn't have the nerves to disturb the sleeping man again.

He looked around at the bedroom, and it was now that he really took notice of it.

It was a spacious, beautiful one, with plush, black carpet, the very one on which he was standing now, covering the entire floor. The walls were painted in rich cream, with one side of the wall completely black. On this wall hung a huge, framed painting. It was an abstract painting, with bright, garish, swirling colours that seemed totally out of place in the otherwise refined colours of the bedroom. The bed on which they had been intimate sat right in the middle of the room with the one who took his virginity sleeping on it, pure white bedspread crumpled beneath him. Toward the right side of the bed were the long windows; rich, elaborately designed cream curtain obscuring it completely.

The bedroom was otherwise empty, except for a guitar that hung on a wall, with lots of scribbled writings on it. Below this guitar was a table, that had a lot of framed photos cluttered together, catching dust. Remus slowly moved toward the photos, and found that they all had a younger version of the man that lay sleeping currently, as handsome as he is now, but – happier, more carefree...with longer hair, tied back in a pony or falling around his beautiful face in wild curls. His grey eyes warmer, with crinkles of genuine laughter around them...

In some, he was with a lanky, boyish, hazel-eyed, bespectacled young man of around his own age, with messy black hair, a wide, equally-giddy grin as the grey-eyed one beside him, and they stood with their arms around each other's shoulders in companionship.

Some had the grey-eyed man laughing cheerfully, his head thrown back, while the messy black haired one looked embarrassed, yet laughing..

One had the messy black haired man, and a woman with fiery red hair, holding each other as though they were dancing. Another photo right beside it had the messy haired man lightly kissing the red head on her nose as she had her eyes closed, a small smile on her lips.

In one he saw the three of them standing proudly on their graduation day, with their robes on, and caps held up high in the air with a hand. They all had wildly happy grins on their faces.

In some the three of them were out camping, sitting around the fire, or simply enjoying the moment..

Some had the grey-eyed one striking wild, weird poses...

In one he stood with a giddy smile on his glowing face in an elegant black suite beside the messy black haired one in a splendid black tux, who had his arm around his wife – the red head in a pretty white gown.

In one photo his grey-eyed one was kissing the read head on her neck while she had a look of mock-disgust on her face. Another photo beside it, he was holding her from behind, his curly black head resting on her shoulder and his arms wrapped around her stomach that had a bulge. She was pregnant, at least six months, by the looks of it. She had a loose, maternity gown on, and a ladle held in her right hand. She was laughing happily at the camera.

Remus drew back from the photos, some inexplicable feeling in his heart as the grey-eyed one's and his companions' happy smiles refused to leave his mind even after he looked away from them.

Remus swayed where he stood, a sudden dizziness washing over him. He looked around for the bathroom, and found the door a bit to his left.

He entered the bathroom, and gaped.

It was...splendid, and literally sparkling; with pristine white tile on the floor and grey ones on the wall. A tub sat at the corner, to the other corner, the shower, to his right, the counter with a large, glossy sink and a long, large mirror running alongside the entire counter. Various toiletries were tossed about the counter carelessly.

He never thought bathrooms could be _this_ grand.

He shakily made his way to the shower that was left open, and fumbled with the taps, wondering how the hell to turn them on. He finally found out a way, and cool jets of water were cascading down on him, but couldn't figure which way to turn or press or whatever for hot water. He gave up quickly, his mind already fuddled with fatigue, and stood under the cold water, his hands gently rubbing at his private parts, washing away their shared mess...

He didn't soap himself; he was too tired for it. After a few minutes of simply standing there beneath the shower, letting the cool jets beat down his shoulders and his back, he turned off the shower, and found a towel that smelled of soap and remarkably musky.. Remus smiled, his eyes closed, as he dried himself; realizing that it might be the one the grey-eyed man might've used latterly...

He staggered out of the bathroom, finding the man sprawled on the bed on his stomach, still fast asleep.

He picked up his clothes that lay in a forgotten crumple near the bed, and pulled them on, barely having the energy for it. He wondered what to do next. Should he wake up the man?

That was when he really thought about it...

Where the hell would he go now? He had no money with him..no food in his stomach..he had forgotten even his beloved guitar in his haste and despair as he left his home, eyes stinging with tears, as he hastened to put as much distance as he could between his parents and himself...

He reached over to the sleeping man and gave one more shake to his arm, and gave up when he got the same unresponsiveness as earlier..

He made his way out the bedroom slowly, and took in the sights that he had missed as he ended up here while unconscious. The house was..beautiful, rich, opulent..everything related to luxury, right from the hallway that had ornately framed, old paintings, that led toward the insanely huge living hall with plush, downy couches and elaborate mantelpiece overflowing with small, antique things, the beautiful fireplace, the grand, twisting marble staircase, the rich imported carpets, the insanely huge paintings on lush, dark violet walls...

Judging by the blinding sunlight that streamed in through the huge windows obscured with transparent white curtains, it was already morning..

Was Remus in some paradise? Or a mansion of some fucking king?

An old, balding, yet healthy man who looked to be around sixty, in a white shirt and equally white pant, came out of another hallway into the living hall where Remus stood, gaping like a fool, momentarily forgetting all about his hunger. The man had a look of slight wonder, yet of understanding, as though he knew why Remus might possibly be here.

"You need something, young man?" he sounded like a French.

His stomach gave an angry, persistent growl, as though demanding him to take his chance and ask this man to help.

Remus gave a strict, firm mental shake of his head at that, feeling mortified at the thought.

And the next moment, he swayed lightly, his vision darkening. It felt as though the room gave a little spin around him.

"You look really pale..seet down.." he walked up to Remus, his face set, yet not seeming unkind, and then he took hold of Remus' arm, and pushed him down onto a couch, making him sit.

"I weel get you breakfast," was all he said, and didn't wait for Remus' reply as he turned back, and went shuffling back into the hallway he had come from.

Remus couldn't believe the man's perception, and the kindness he showed. He leant back into the couch, and closed his eyes. He didn't know what it was that was keeping him conscious the whole time. He was so tired that he could've dropped dead without a warning.

The next minute, delicious scent of bacons and eggs filled the air, and Remus opened his eyes to find a woman wearing an apron above her simple black attire bringing him a tray-ful of food, steam wafting up. The man came in behind her seconds later.

She set down the tray on the coffee table before him, and walked away without even meeting his eyes. Remus felt like gobbling up the whole tray.

The man now approached him, and said, "You should really eat een dining hall. But never mind ze etiquettes when you are zis hungry."

Remus looked up at him indecisively, and the man nodded encouragingly at him.

"You have eet. You look really eel." he nodded at the food.

And Remus didn't thought anything else as he attacked the bacons and eggs and kippers, not caring that he scalded his mouth as he shoved in forkfuls of food. It was the best feeling in the world – getting his belly full when he was so utterly starved.

He had finished almost half the tray when he heard a clearing of throat.

And Remus' heart gave an inexplicable jump when he realized who it was before he even had to look up from the half-filled tray.

He slowly looked up, and his fork clattered to the plate when he found him –

Standing there before him, naked as the day he was born. The old man was nowhere to be seen.

And Remus thought that he might have to take back whatever he had thought about coldness being 'endearing'..

Because the beautiful, dark-haired man now looming before him looked anything but endearing...

Remus felt his blood drain from his face and his heart hammer in foreboding when the man drew close to him until he was bending over him, his face inches away from his own..

Remus couldn't believe that this was the man who had whispered and hummed and rocked him into nirvana...

For now his grey eyes were dark with anger, his soft, full lips that had kissed him were set, and his beautiful face was haughty, as he stared at Remus, demanding some sort of justification with those dark eyes.

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**Aw, poor, gullible Remmy.. :( **

**Hope things won't be too bad for him.. :)**

**Whaa..? was I reviewing my own fic, since many of you are not? :/ Haha..**

**Please review. :D**


	5. Chapter 5

**Yeah sinner. vs .saint, you're absolutely right. I need more reviews! *sigh* Thank you so much for being kind enough to leave reviews! Love you!**

**Others: Will you guys review, please? -_- Its 'cause I am so in love with this plot right now that I'm updating so quickly. -_- **

**C'mon guys! So many of you read this! Leave a review too! Let me know what you think! I'm dying to hear your thoughts! Don't make me beg! Grrrrrrr...**

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**Remus' PoV:**

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His cold grey eyes were like ice as they stared at him unsympathetically. Remus felt his heart crumble.

"Hungry, are you, Remus?" his question was no more than a whisper, and unlike the whispers that had sent him to heaven, this one sent a chill down his spine.

Remus couldn't hold his frightening, grey stare, and lowered his gaze, his heart beating a violent tattoo against his ribcage. He wasn't scared. He was outright terrified.

"What did you think? That you could strut around my house like you own it because you slept with me on my bed?" he whispered, his tone sarcastic and humiliating, and Remus' entire body burned with shame.

"Tell me, Remus, did I give you the permission to sit on my couch?" he asked softly. Remus bit down on his lip, his face burning, and made to stand up.

"Oh, no," he said as he caught Remus' shoulders in a strong grip and pushed him down onto the couch, "Now you will sit right here on my couch, and leave only when I'll let you." he said gently.

Remus fought the urge to bolt. He brought his arms on either side of Remus, pressing his hands into the couch, and trapped Remus in between, as though he sensed Remus' thoughts, and that only intensified his frantic nerves.

"How was the breakfast?" he breathed against Remus' cheek, "Did you like it?" he was teasing him...sardonically...heartlessly...

"What else d'you want?" his breath was hot and spine-tingling against Remus' ear, "Any more..treat that you want to indulge yourself with?"

Remus felt tears stinging his eyes.

"Maybe a hot water bath?" he brought a hand to Remus' hair that hung wet and lank around his face, and tucked back a few strands behind his ear, "Hmm..seems like you already took that liberty.."

He drew back away from Remus, and stood up straight, his shadow looming over him, and Remus felt his eyes burning into his skin.

"Jaques!" he heard him call the next moment, an unmistakable tone of command and sheer arrogance in his voice.

Remus looked up from the rich purple carpet he was staring at when he felt his eyes turn away from him. He now stood with his back turned to him, facing the hallway, heart-wrenchingly attractive with the rippling muscles on his shoulders, the dip of the small of his back to his waist..his strong limbs... He stood poised, and proud.. Remus could see a side of his beautiful face..

The old man in white attire appeared just after a few seconds from the same hallway he had earlier. Though he looked careful and alert, he still didn't look petrified. He met the grey-eyed one's haughty gaze expectantly, ignoring his brazenly exposed body and keeping his eyes respectfully focused at his face.

"Who gave you the consent to coddle him?" he asked, cocking his head to a side. Remus heard the voice that was soft and breathy until now ring out loud for the first time. It wasn't that he raised his voice to shouts or shrieks. In fact, he never raised his voice. It was simply..frighteningly commanding.

"No one." the old man's reply was polite and calm.

He steadily observed the old man for a few seconds, then said in a cool voice, "And the next time you act on 'no one's' orders, your job will be at risk."

The old man said nothing. His face was expressionless as he waited for his next order.

The cold, grey-eyed one regarded him silently for a few more seconds. "Leave," he said simply.

The old man turned wordlessly, and disappeared into the hallway.

The beautiful, heartless, arrogant man now turned to face him, and Remus lowered his gaze instantly, staring once again at the carpet.

"D'you need a separate appeal telling you to leave?"

His softly uttered, harsh words roared painfully in his ears. Remus felt something die inside him. It felt as though he were dead, and this was just his body here, his soul long dead and gone.

His heart was a raw, wounded, agonizingly aching heavy thing beating inside him, each thud sending a painful wave through him. This was what felt like to be hurt truly...without raised words or raised hands... just a few, whispered words was all that took for him to kill Remus from the inside.

Remus got up slowly, his half-eaten breakfast sitting there on the coffee table, long cold and long forgotten. He fought his tears valiantly. He'd never let even a drop of tear to slide down his cheek in front of him. Never. He wouldn't give this heartless, cold beauty that satisfaction.

"I've l-left my shoes inside," he managed to choke out, his gaze down and his eyes not seeing a thing.

"Then go and get it, and be off.." he said indifferently as he started walking toward another hallway, not bothering to even give a glance at Remus.

A few tears slid down his eyes as he turned away toward the hallway he had come out, and into the bedroom he had so readily given himself to the cold, manipulative man. He hastily put on his shoes that lay upturned and forgotten on the floor, and left the room, back to the hall, to find the beautiful, huge room empty. He found the front door, and stepped out into the front garden, the tears in his eyes blurring the breath-taking view of the well-kept, beautiful garden.

Every step he took was an agony, every breath burning his lungs. He felt worthless. He felt...alone.

Someone opened the gate that was tall and magnificent and as beautiful as everything related to the heartless man, the iron bars of the gate coiling and twisting in a serpentine design, the arching top ending in sharp spikes.

It looked cold and foreboding and beautiful...like him.

Tears were now freely streaming down his face. He couldn't take anything now, anything more humiliating and deserting. Every single person he knew until now has done nothing but desert him in the end..discard him like a worthless filth.

He had no reason to live now. He had no one to live for.

His pain was so huge that it manifested to a physical ache. It felt as though his heart was so heavy that it just couldn't beat anymore. His limbs refused to move.

Remus slid down onto a small seat at the side of the road just outside the house that was behind the wall to which he had his back leaning. He hadn't looked at the house from outside as he left it behind him, and he didn't want to. In fact, it seemed as though he couldn't even see anything that was around him. Everything was a blur.

Remus let his ache spill out as sobs wracked his body. He bent and took his head in his hands, tears seeping through his closed eyes.

He didnt know how long he had sat there, crying in despair..and pain, oh lord, a pain so huge that it couldnt be described. He felt betrayed by everyone. He felt betrayed by his own life.

Yes, he made up his mind. As tears of desperation..of shame..of worthlessness..streamed down his face, he made up his mind that he would die.

He was so absorbed in his pain that he didn't hear a car that rolled out of the gate, turned, and then abruptly stopped right before him. He also didn't hear as the door opened, someone stepped out, closed the door with a click, and made his way toward him.

"Why're you still here?"

Remus head snapped up at that voice...that deceptively soft, tempting voice.

He was looking at him with an unreadable expression, those cool grey eyes trained on him.

And something inside Remus flared.

He stood up quickly, and turned on his heels, wanting to put as much distance as possible between himself and that cruel, manipulative bastard.

"Hey," he felt him right behind him, "Wait,"

Remus couldn't hear his words through the pounding of blood in his ears. He was walking fast, intense fury fuelling him.

"Remus, wait!" he gripped Remus' arm tightly.

Remus whipped around in one swift movement, his eyes flashing. "WHY? WHY SHOULD I WAIT?" he wasn't even surprised at his wild, angry scream, for he wasn't able to hear it through the relentless pounding of his heart. "_Why should I wait? So that you could use me once again? And then hurt me, humiliate me, and throw me away like a piece of shit?!" _he didn't even register the words that came out of him in desperate, pained, passionate rage. He didn't even realize what he was doing, where he was, who he was...

Remus had had enough. It was his breaking point, and the words that came out of him were a result of the years of pain and hurt and anger he had silently suffered.

The man roughly gripped both his arms, and Remus struggled against his grip, as fiercely as he had struggled against those horrible men who had tried to violate him last night.

"Remus! Calm down!"

"Leave me! Just leave me!"

"Remus! Come with me!"

"No! No! Just leave me!"

"Listen to me, Remus! Calm down!" he managed to twist both of Remus' wildly flailing arms behind him, and pin them to his back. Remus had his cheek mushed against the man's chest, and Remus now tried shoving him away with his body, thrashing wildly against him. The man draped a strong arm against the small of his back, effectively trapping his wrists there, while another gripped him across his shoulder blades. He was now completely surrounded by the man's strong arms, pressed so tight against him that he wasn't able to budge an inch.

And Remus let himself go slack against him. He let out all of his pain, all of his sufferings, all of his hurt, as something broke free in him, and he was crying hard against the man's chest. He felt the arms around him loosen a bit, and Remus brought his hands to the grey-eyed one's broad shoulders, and clutched tightly at them. And through the sobs that escaped his lips and through all the tears that soaked the man's shirt, Remus thought that he hadn't been wrong after all when he thought that he was safe with him; because he felt the man hold him to his chest, one hand around his waist and one lost in his hair.

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**Yeah, I know you're crying now, and thinking '*gasp* has it ended?' **

**Of course it hasn't ended, guys! To be continued! Next chp in Sirius' PoV!**

**But, please review! Pleeeeeeaaaaasseee! *gives in and shamelessly begs* **


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey TechNomaNcer28! Point taken! :) Yeah I noticed the two places where I used 'pain so huge'...so, I'd keep that in mind. :D And thank you again for your awesome reviews! :)**

**Thank you hato-ryou-chan for your kind review!**

**menono1011: Thank you! Okay, you are close to the truth. I can't say Sirius is being bipolar! Um..that'd involve a lot of manic, frenzied activities or suicidal tendencies or...either an abnormal interest or abnormal hatred for life! Haha! And Sirius isn't being like that! But yeah, you got the general guess right! **

**I should clarify it to other readers as well here****: Thing is, Sirius is actually really unpredictable with his emotions and moods. The way his moods change from bored to interested to angry in a flash. Though Sirius believes that drugs don't affect him, it actually does, but in subtle ways that Sirius can't perceive.**

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**Sirius' PoV:**

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Sirius Black loathed memories. Abolutely, wholly...from the bottom of his black heart...

Memories were the reason that made him weak, that made him lose his control on himself, and Sirius Black couldn't stand not being in control. He wanted to be in possession of control. Always.

So when he had told the amber-eyed, timid, innocent Remus to get out of his house so...contemptibly, he shouldn't have felt anything out of the ordinary; because that was the only natural thing to do. He hardly knew him, he was done with his business with him, and he had nothing more to do with him now. And that was the way it was for Sirius. That had been his norm.

He was so damn pissed when Remus had had the.._audacity_..to make himself at home at _his_ house. No fucking body had the freedom to use what was Sirius' without his bloody permission. Hell, he never even allowed anyone inside his house!

And then there came Remus, and he went ahead and fucking had breakfast in _his_ house without _his_ permission. Just who the fuck he thought he was to take such liberties in his house?

And then he found that his hair was wet... He even had a bloody shower in his bathroom without his permission!

One moment, he was fuming with rage as he went the bathroom to have a shower himself after he had kicked Remus out. He stood before the mirror, splashed water on his face roughly, snatched the tube of shaving cream, brushed it all over his jaw and cheek, and when he was shaving with his hands that shook, perhaps because he hadn't had much sleep, or perhaps because of the anger that still lingered in him, he pressed the blade with a tad too much of force, and then he saw blood running down his cheek..

Blood..that was bright red against the white..

And the next moment, he was...

_ 'I WONT MIX WITH THOSE STUPID PEOPLE AND I WONT JOIN THAT FUCKING STUPID FIRM, NO MATTER WHAT!'_

'_Sirius Black..You are no longer my son, and no longer the heir to this fortune you see around you..'_

_'FUCK YOU! I DONT NEED YOUR FUCKING FORTUNE! YOU CAN SHOVE IT ALL UP YOUR-'_

_And then it was pain and blood and dizzying world as stars danced in front of his eyes. Orion Black had hit him. Hard._

_He saw his blood falling in red splotches on the white carpet.._

_Drip..drip..drip.._

_'Worthless scum...Disgrace to this family..'_

_Drip..drip..drip.._

_'I can't believe I carried this dirt in my womb!'_

_Drip..drip..drip.._

_'I wish he would've died! And it would've been just Regulus!'_

_'SHUT THE FUCK UP!'_

_'GET OUT! GET OUT RIGHT NOW!'_

Sirius slid down right where he stood, head in his hands. He was panting hard.

_'Siri! You got kicked out? Cool!'_

_'Fuck you, Potter.'_

_'Sorry bro. Evans waiting for me. Right in my fucking room now!'_

_'I heard that, James. And I'm not fucking you now. Thank you.'_

_'Will you tell me to come in? Or- no, wait, why am I even asking you..'_

_'Why, it's my darling lad standing there! Come in, Sirius..' _

_'Thank you, Mrs. Potter..'_

_'Muum! He's not a fucking darling! He's just murdered his parents finally! So proud of him..'_

_'No apple pie for you tonight, James.'_

_'Muuuum!'_

"No.." Sirius won't cry. No. He hugged his arms around his legs, and sat there on the bathroom floor, curled into a ball.

_'Siri..I'm so sorry, Siri..please forgive me..I just want to see you once..just once before I – '_

_'I can't forgive you ever, Regulus..'_

"Arrrghhh! Nooo!"

Sirius was losing his mind to his memories. And he cannot afford that. He fucking cannot. Because once it started..it was like an avalanche rolling down, abandoned... It was a downward fall with the sealed fate of destruction.

He needed to get out of this creepy house. Soon.

He got up, his face set in determination. He hastily washed his face, strode out into his bedroom, and started digging for his clothes in the closet.

_'I was kicked out of my home'_

"Shut up shut up shut up shut up.." Sirius softly chanted, a bit demented edge to his tone, as he hastily pulled his shirt on.

_'I c-came out. I..I t-told them th-that I'm gay'_

He shoved his legs into some pair of jeans, snatched his car keys and phone from the nightstand, and walked out his bedroom.

He walked past his living room, and his eyes caught the tray of half-eaten breakfast that sat forgotten on the coffee table.

_'I was kicked out of my home'_

"Marietta!"

His maid came in seconds later, and paled in sheer panic when she saw Sirius' expression. "Am _I_ supposed to carry this back to the kitchen?"

"N-no.."

Sirius simply ignored her brutally as he turned and hurried out the front door. He got in his car, pulled out of the garage, and drove out the gate..

When he saw him...

Sitting there on the bench just outside his house, his head in his hands, his honey brown hair obscuring his face.

And Sirius felt anger rising in him again. A controlled sort of anger, that didn't result into hysterical outburst, but restrained, calculated words..

His expression had been emotionless when he looked down at his bowed head and demanded what he was still doing here, and had been meaning to tell him to fuck off from his vicinity and fucking not try to invade his strongly constructed mental walls... when he looked up..

And Sirius, in his vulnerable, self-protective state of protecting his mind from insanity, was hit hard by the look of utter desperation and rage and hurt in those expressive amber eyes...

Fuck, it was just like the moments of divine revelations that he had when he lost himself to the psychedelic DMT... Like he was communicating with god, and he sensed that he could exist in different dimensions and different space-time continuums of the universe..that he could taste music and hear colours...that he was nothing but a floating energy amidst love and reality...

Yes, it was just like a fucking trip, when he realized that Remus had been sickly pale when he was rescued, and when he had quickly emptied the glass of water Sirius had given him, and that he was ravenous when he was eating as though he hadn't in ages as Sirius had stood, silently watching him for minutes..

That he was driven to the edge now...

And Sirius had called him without another thought.

And then he turned. A fiery beauty he was.

Sirius felt like he had been slapped, just by that look in his molten ambers...

Then he screamed in rage. Spilled out his anger and resentment and hurt and confusion...

And Sirius saw himself in him, in his mad screams and his red face...

He wanted to protect himself. He saw a semblance of himself in him.

And the next thing he knew, he had him in his arms, an armful of crying, anguished, wounded little thing.

And his arms had unconsciously wrapped around him in protection.

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**You won't see Sirius coming so undone in any other future chps. :D He hasn't fallen in love or anything. It's just that he realized that he had been harsh on Remus, and that Remus was suffering. :)**

**Please review! :D**


	7. Chapter 7

**Warning : Rough sex where Sirius is as pitiless as he can get with unabashed substance abuse fuelling his overconfidence. Some dirty, dirty language. You've been warned! Don't like? Turn back right now! Flamers, think twice before displaying your intelligence. Inappropriate content for kids and don't try this anywhere.**

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**Sirius' PoV:**

* * *

Sirius Black regretted only a few decisions he had made in his life. _This_ was one of the few.

"Um. I dont have any other clothes with me." Remus was sitting on the couch with his hands folded in his lap. He had that same navy tee and jeans on, along with a permanent blush.

"Oh. I thought you were carrying your whole wardrobe in your pocket." Sirius replied sarcastically.

Remus only continued staring down, biting lightly on his lower lip.

Sirius thought that he had finally lost it when he regained some sense after he cooled off from his almost manic state, and he found that Remus' sobs had gradually reduced to soft snuffles. He then released him quickly, as though his hands burned, but all the same quietly told Remus to get into his car.

And now, he found himself in his living room, with his casual fuck sitting right on his couch, stuck with him for good.

And Sirius thought what he was about to do was insane, even for a Black. Damn that small ounce of conscience that still lurked somewhere in the deep recesses of his black heart.

"Listen, Remus," Sirius said gravely as he walked toward him, and stood before him, looking down at him, "What the fuck d'you find so interesting on the floor?" he then snapped, mildly irritated, and Remus quickly looked up nervously, "So, Remus," he continued with what he was about to say, "I want you to stay right in the room that'll be given to you. It'll be locked from outside, and opened only to leave food for you. Everything that you need is inside the room. You can leave right now if you don't agree to this." Sirius had said all of this slowly, as though speaking to a child, and now waited for Remus' answer.

"I..I agree.." he whispered, and quickly averted his eyes, unable to hold Sirius' gaze for long. It seemed like he had reverted back to his stuttering ways now after his brief emotional breakdown.

"So you'd rather agree to this...imprisonment, than going back to your place?"

"Yes," he said that quickly, with a touch of finality, his expression resolute.

Sirius thought it'd be wise to keep him locked up in a room. He didn't want him gallivanting around his house, and neither did he want to enter his house to find his housekeepers murdered and Remus gone, along with a precious few artefacts. The Black family crest made of pure gold asserting his family's disgusting love of incest with 'Toujours Pur' carved proudly in elegant cursive across it, for instance.

"All right, then," Sirius said softly, then called for his housekeeper.

He appeared moments later, and Sirius said, "Make them clean up the last bedroom upstairs, next to the one with loggia. I _do not_ want anything sharp, or possibly harmful things to be left behind. Get it?"

He also didn't particularly fancy dogs and investigators sniffing every corner of his house and then tracing it right back to his arse.

Jaques nodded solemnly.

"And make someone watch over him now while he waits here,"

Yes, Sirius Black can be careful almost bordering on paranoid if need be. That was the sole reason he still was free from venereal diseases.

And with that, he turned, and left his house.

* * *

Shit, he loved this.

The feeling of getting his cock sucked by an eager mouth while he lounged on a loveseat at some friend's place who had given the place to Sirius and the blond who was currently lodged between his legs. He sat leaning against the loveseat, his head thrown back, a glass pipe held in his hand, while the head wedged between his thighs sucked and licked and rubbed him to bliss. Now Sirius knew just what to do to turn this bliss into something that was nothing short of a brain bocca.

He smoked the pipe, and within seconds, his heartbeats accelerated tenfold. He never had felt this alive, this confident, this on top of the world...

"Oh yeah, suck it all the way in you cockslut.." he whispered feverishly, grabbing a fistful of the man's hair with his free hand and pulling him up by his hair aggressively. Sirius thrust in his cock forcefully into the warm, suckling mouth, and the man gagged. That drove him all the more crazy, the way his throat tightened around him, and he started fucking his mouth hard.

He sensed that the man wanted to release his cock from his mouth to catch his breath, and that his jaw might possibly be aching from sucking him for so long; and that only made Sirius want to torture him more, the cocaine in his system augmenting his arrogance to dangerous levels. He tugged at the man's hair hard enough that a few were pulled right from their roots, and he felt his cock reach into the man's gullet. The man moaned around his cock pleadingly, aching to be released.

"You'll have my cock shoved right into your throat until you make me come," he whispered harshly, and the man sucked harder, now desperate to fulfil Sirius' command before his jaws would come unhinged by Sirius' manhandling.

Sirius let out a low moan, eyes rolling back into his head. He let his head fall back, giving himself completely to the friction and warmth that surrounded him. His heart thudded so fast that he was sure it might jump right out of his chest.

He then felt the warm, wet softness closing tightly around the head as the man gave another gag, and that was the bridge too far, bringing him to the edge as he came with a shudder inside the man's throat.

Sirius' grip on the man's hair slackened as his muscles relaxed and his body sagged down. He lay gasping, his eyes closed, his head askance against the back of the loveseat. He felt the man crawling up and settling beside him.

He lay silent for a few minutes, then realized that the high had worn off along with his post-orgasmic bliss. He took another lazy drag.

"Sirius.." he heard the man beside him whisper. He then felt fingers moving lightly and dextrously across his chest, then trailing all the way across his collarbone, his neck, and reaching his jaw, a single nail scraping across his jawline. "You're..you're the sexiest man I've ever met," the man whispered, and Sirius heard the familiar reverence and awe in his voice, "And mm," his naked body was now pressed to Sirius' side, his heat spreading into Sirius' body and travelling straight to his groin.

Shit, he was making him hard again.

"You were so rough," his breath warmed his ear, his nail drawing a straight line across his cheek. He pressed even closer, and Sirius felt his erection pressing into his waist. He was rubbing himself against Sirius.

"I liked that, Sirius..a _lot_.."

Sirius lay quiet, his chest rising and falling rapidly, his eyes still closed and his head still thrown back, looking thoroughly debauched.

The man was emboldened by Sirius' silence, and crawled onto Sirius, pressing his ass into Sirius' now hardened dick. He leant down onto Sirius, and started skimming his lips across Sirius' jaw, while his hands found their way into Sirius' hair, fingers winding in and massaging his head slowly...

"I love your scent, Sirius.." he murmured against his neck, sharply inhaling, "Makes me wanna lick you..mm.."

Sirius opened his eyes, and watched the blond head as he working his mouth across his chest, leaving a wet trail as his tongue swiped across his smooth chest. He was now rutting against Sirius' groin.

The man sure was sending Sirius crazy, for his breath was short and quick, his heart was drumming inside his ribcage...

But then, "I hope I pleasured you enough, didn't I? Two can play this game,"

"The fuck you would," Sirius spat, and before the blond could blink an eye, Sirius was pinning him onto the loveseat, trapping his wrists beside his head and pushing harshly against the man's cock.

Sirius stopped abruptly, and leaning until he was nose to nose with the man, he glared into his now fretful blue eyes, and whispered dangerously, "Now you'll tell me what it was that you were planning to play, you fucking clitface."

The blond stared at Sirius for a few seconds, agape, then started chuckling, "Why, you look fucking scorching when you're angry.." he said, staring in fascination at Sirius.

Sirius smirked evilly at him, "You know what else you'll find scorching?"

He reached down and snatched up the man's discarded shirt from the floor, not moving from his position on the man's groin, and before the man could understand what Sirius was planning to do, he pinned both his wrists together with one hand, and with another, he quickly fastened the sleeves of the shirt across his wrists. "Hey!" the blond said in protest. Sirius ignored it for now, in every way meaning to make him beg and yell before long. Once he was sure he had tied it fairly well, he used both his hands to tighten it painfully, firmly binding the man's wrists together. The blond gave a cry of pain, with a hint of protest and anger.

With no further warning, Sirius struck him hard across his face.

All trace of protest or amusement was wiped clean from his face. His eyes were wide and his pupils dilated with absolute fear as he stared up at Sirius.

"Wasn't that scorching?" Sirius asked, glowering into his eyes, "Answer me." he brought the back of his hand down across his face, hard and quick, and the man howled in pain.

"Yes!" he yelled frantically.

"Good. Now," Sirius leaned close, and brought his lips next to the blond's ear, then said quietly, "You'll turn over and kneel, arse up, face down, and if you protest in any fucking way, I'll shove your underwear into your mouth, until it reaches your voice box, so that your throat would tear and you'll count stars when you moan, get it?"

"Yes.." he said, and hastened to obey Sirius' orders as he quickly scrambled up and knelt down, just the way Sirius had instructed.

"Mm, I like docile cumsluts," Sirius murmured insultingly. He took another drag of the crack, his haughtiness at an all-time high, and though his erection wasn't as satisfying as it usually was when he was not on drugs, the creamy arse bared to him compensated for it, and he slapped them in turn, making the man cry out in pain. He slapped them relentlessly, siphoning off all of the frustration and hurt and sorrow that was suppressed somewhere deep inside him under a tightly shut lid, that he didn't even realize existed as his mind was now muddled with drug and arousal, that he was sure would stench and reek if he ever opened the lid...

His arse was now tender and raw, red as blood. Sirius didn't give a fuck as he plunged in brutally, without preparation, without foreplay, and took the hapless man beneath him cruelly, slapping his groin against his arse rapidly, his cock tearing fast through the man's unprepped, tight hole, blood slowly dripping down through it; and Sirius was sure that he wouldn't stir for a month.

* * *

**Remus' PoV:**

Remus sat there on the couch, staring at the grey-eyed one's retreating form as he slammed the door shut behind him.

Jaques, the grey-eyed man's housekeeper, was looking at Remus in slight wonder, just like he had been when he had first seen him. Remus met his gaze diffidently.

"Zis is something really curious.." Jaques said, frowning slightly, "'E never, ever lets strangers in zis 'ouse. And I was left wondering when 'e brought you 'ere. But zen I realized what might it be, but never mind zat. Zen he was angry zat I gave you breakfast, and I was thinkeeng zat 'oh, 'e is back again to 'is real character!'" the man laughed lightly, and Remus realized that the old man's brown eyes were warm, and his laugh was genuine.

The man drew close, and said, "But you might 'ave really caught 'is eye zat 'e brought you back. I know 'im very well, more than you might theenk I know. For I know 'im since before 'e was even born! I 'ave been serving 'ere since Mr. and Mrs. Black were 'ere. But leave all zat! I'm talking too much!" he gave a little shake of his head as though reprimanding himself.

"You 'ave a lot in your mind, young man. I can see it on your face. But you don't worry when Jaques is 'ere to take care of everything!" he smiled good-naturedly at Remus.

And all of Remus' uneasiness melted away as he returned Jaques' smile just as warmly.

"Thank you for reassuring me. That meant a lot to me." Remus smiled brightly at him.

"Ah, it was no problem," he waved a hand as though waving away Remus' words, "You will 'ave something to eat while you wait 'ere, and while your room is being prepared. Wait for a few minutes." Jaques insisted. Then there was a hint of stubbornness in his voice as he said, "No matter 'ow much zat lad threatens me, I know 'e doesn't mean a thing! And I will never act ze way zat contradicts my beliefs!" so saying, he started to shuffle back into the same hallway from where he always comes from.

"Um, excuse me!" Remus called after him.

"Yes?" he turned back, a look of polite interest on his kind face.

"Can you er..tell me what his name is?" he asked.

"Why, 'e is Sirius Orion Black, ze eldest son of Orion and Walburga Black." he informed him kindly, before turning and disappearing into the hallway.

_Sirius... _Remus thought with a small smile playing on his lips.

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